morning walk

I talk about the state park I live at and the forest outside my front door. I take my walk there to get my knee (and myself) back in shape. I got out early this morning. It’s really quiet there and you can get lost in your thoughts. The path is diversified and it doesn’t seem like you’re out that long or have walked that far. Most of the wild flowers must have finished blooming, there wasn’t much color this morning except the sun coming up through the trees. The park was empty, also. Very tranquil…

park-2

 

Here’s the path I walk. I like how clean they keep this park.

park-1

 

 

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first mile and stuff

I couldn’t sleep last night. I tried but I was to wired up. I wanted to be active, nothing was hurting. There’s too much wildlife to go walking around here at night so my recumbent bike kept me occupied for 15 minutes. Next my drawing table had unfinished work laying around. The pain meds kept me non-creative for so long I dug out a coloring book I forgot I had. Practicing colors was something I needed to work on. Doing this for almost two and a half hours took it’s toll on my eyes so I moved to the drawing I started over a month ago, I think. After setting up the webcam (my phone) it didn’t take long until I figured out I made this too detailed to work on at 4:30 in the morning.

doingstuff-firstmile

I didn’t sleep very good as usual. Every hour I looked at the clock and the window to see if it was time to go out. I was ready with all the built up energy. At 7:45 I was dressed and out the door. It was 75 degrees with a slight breeze. Just enough breeze to make the sweat bearable. At the park, I drive to the spot I marked at 1/2 a mile the other day. I got about 100 yards and remembered I left my cane in the car so I went back. I’m using it less and less but I didn’t want to get stranded and not make it back to the car when I’m walking. I’m off again, with no pain I’m walking pretty fast. Probably the fastest I’ve moved in four or five months. It feels good on my body, my muscles are working and I’m getting air deep in my lungs. And there it is, the back gate of the park. I barely felt anything as I touched the post and made a “cheering crowd” sound when I turned and headed back. My cane is slowly becoming useful then I see the front of my truck. Running out of steam and for some reason my thigh hurts, I head for the bumper. My door wouldn’t open fast enough for me to plant my fat ass in the seat and chug some water like I’ve just ran a marathon, but I did it. In one month, after total knee replacement, I just walked a mile.

Now my arm is going to be sore patting myself on the back.

 

 

first long walk

Just got in. This morning I drove over to the park, back until it dead ends. I drove forward to measure a half mile and parked. I’ve made walks to my mailbox and had trouble. That was only a 300 yard walk. My last doctor visit he removed some fluid and it turned the pain game around. I’ve been going up and down my stairs and getting around unaided the last week. This morning when I woke up I sat right up. Nothing hurt. I drank my coffee and got pumped up some more. My first thought was I’ll walk to the mailbox and call it a day. By the time I got dressed and out my door I felt like really walking. So I drove around to the Metro Park entrance and marked my territory.

During my walk I kept feeling my new knee bang around inside a little. But I felt o.k. so I kept going. It’s nice out too. Finally it’s below 80 degrees but I’m still sweating like a pig. My knee is feeling great but my hip and thigh are starting to hurt. I can see the end of the trail where I wanted to turn around but I couldn’t make it. I was close but still too far away so I turned around. I didn’t want to get stranded back there. It was a struggle getting back to my car. It seemed like it took forever to get to it. It felt good to get the weight off my leg while I’m catching my breath. It also felt good to get air deep in my lungs. I go back in to the doctor Monday. We’re keeping an eye on the area that’s not closing up. It doesn’t hurt and it’s not infected. It’s just not closing up.

I’m guessing I walked a little over two thirds of a mile.

first walk

the knee story pt 4

Boredom is the worst part. The smallest thing is entertaining. I look forward to doctors visits just to talk to someone but those will end now. Without insurance I can’t get physical therapy or office visits. I just paid $110 for pain meds. I did get hold of my employer to get access to my company account for my personal information and check stubs. We had automatic deposit and I never saw a physical check the entire time I worked there. I wasn’t even sure how much I was being paid. It was more than I thought and with them paying 3/4 of my insurance and matching 401k, I had no reason to complain. I stay in touch with the District Manager. She said to let her know when I’m ready and she’ll hire me back at another position. I’ve never worked for such an employee friendly company in my life. There’s not even bad co-workers there. I never understood why people quit working for the company. Even if I don’t get hired back, I have nothing bad to say about them. They’ve gone out of their way with me the last two years and I feel like I owe them for that.

Back to the boredom part. I had a follow up visit with the surgeon on Monday. He took some x-rays and removed some fluid. The fluid was causing the most pain, it was never ending. Sleeping was impossible and it felt like there was so much weight to my leg. The last two days I’ve been feeling pretty good. I was surprised to get another refill of pain meds and I was afraid to ask but I guess this was serious enough surgery to get more. But the last two days I’ve been going out and moving around a lot. The walk to the mailbox is still difficult but I force it. I go up the steps right leg first just to work it. All this makes me feel better while I’m doing it but resting is when the pay back starts. I never know I’ve over done it, until I’ve over done it. So I’ll take my meds and get the ice packs out. Then I sit here. Bored. I have drawing supplies right beside me but no ideas. No motivation. I stare a lot, though. Think bad thoughts. Negative things. Stare some more. Boredom drove me to start typing this. There’s no point I have. Nothing needs to be told. I’m just bored and sore. So here’s the x-ray of my new $25,000 knee.

 

newkneesideview-rs

 

 

It’s ended

I took a walk to get to my mailbox. At home I’ve opened my mail. There were two envelopes from my employer. My employment has been terminated and I’ve lost my insurance. Life as I’ve known it has just changed. For once in my life, I don’t know what to do…

 

 

the knee story that never ends pt3

I’m terrible with names. This therapist/nurse has been here six times and I have no idea what his name is. That’s the same at work. I’ve been there six years and maybe know 15 names out of 50 people. So every time before he gets here I unlock the door. The windows are open and I know when he knocks, he hears me say “come in”. But I have to get up and open the door. This time I just opened it. He’s standing there with a kit and says “Lets go”.

st-1

The plan is every other staple just in case it comes open. Only a few hurt, they had skin growing on them. I also noticed a new bruise on my calf this time. The first pass goes good. No whining yet. I did notice the staple removal kit reminded me of “Lunchables”

st-3

Heading to the finish line, I lost track of my  photography plan. It kind of hurt in a not really but different way. I’ve always watched when my body parts were being worked on. When I get blood tests I watch my fluid drain out. I sliced my hand in half with the ceramic from a water tank. After they sedated me and numbed the hell out of my hand I watched them sew it back together. I even asked what things were inside. They asked if I was alright that time. Of course I said I was…

st-2

Today’s finished product. In a couple of days I can start washing it. When I put my legs together my knee/leg bent to the right. You can kind of see it in the picture. I have a week to myself now. I’ll meet with the surgeon and start physical therapy. I think I’m doing pretty good. I live on my own so there’s no one helping me do daily living tasks or anything. Survival mode speeds things up.

 

 

the never ending knee story

It’s been a week. The last two days I’ve been walking on my own and I’m paying for it. This is a different pain and it hurts like hell. Not instantly but it creeps up like a good weed you smoked an hour ago. I’m still working on a drawing. By accident the video secessions were deleted from my flash drive. They’re backed up on my Google Photo’s, so all I have to do is go through the process of putting them back on my phone in order and I don’t freakin’ feel like it. So here’s my knee cleaned up. Blood flowing and the stitches all shined up. They kind of look like a mohawk the way he’s perfectly lined them up.

 

IMG_20190617_181245820

 

Oh yeah, every morning there’s new bruises. This on just keeps getting bigger. They hurt as bad as they look. I found out these are from a tourniquet. But look at that flex. My knee is at 45 degrees. I’m getting there…

 

 

new knee

My new knee. It’s just over 24 hours old. The nerve bipass has worn off and, what I thought was too much pain meds, are barely doing anything. But I’ve walked on it and I’m home already. Now, hopefully everything can get back to being normal.

 

newknee

 

 

#103 – the center part

After drawing the beginning of what I’m working on, I had to come up with a center. I never know how to finish the centers even though they’re where I start. I didn’t want to jump in and mess up what I’ve done so far, so I’ve drawn out a few sketches. I wanted a sun like I was working on for the box. But faces are hard enough to do with pencil where I can erase and shade, but ink dots? I know this would take more work. This is the third one I came up with and I think it’s what would look good. There’s more going on towards the center of the drawing but this is the main focal point. I like this idea except now it has to be twice the size. I have a lot of time so there’s no rushing it.

 

#103_aCenter

 

6″x 4″  – ink on paper

 

 

#103 – starting simple?

I’m finally able to sit up like a normal humanoid. I kept thinking I’d get back to a box I was working on then thought, fuck it. I haven’t done anything for a while so lets start out simple and basic. I dig out my box of stuff and start looking at what’s already been done and do it again. I start with my simple mapping out the paper and let it sit. What I do is walk away and come back. Each time adding something to it. My simple basic idea after a few days kind of got out of hand and I haven’t added my ideas yet.

 

#103_pencil

 

 

 

3:50 am

 

My drawing table is pretty much the way I left it several months ago. I’m not physically able to sit up for any length of time anymore. Hopefully the doctors can fix me again so I can sit up and also walk like in the olden days. Who knew getting old would hurt so much. If I don’t return I just want to say thanks to everyone I’ve met.

 

drawing table-42119

 

Youtube

 

Deviant Art

 

 

fuzzy doll and stuff – random blathering with a few beers, then…

It hurts when you get old(er). I fucked my knee up again and had some dental work done. Great insurance is awesome. I’m taking full advantage of it while it’s in front of me. Except sometimes recovery is more painful than the actual problem was to begin with. They’re still doing tests on my knee but the dental surgery is over for now. My bone graph for the implants look good. This is the first time in years my mouth/ teeth work properly. My last dentist, I’m finding out, was a complete hack. After the two root canals and crowns he performed about 16 years ago finally died and had to be cut out of my jaw, I can actually eat properly with no tooth there yet. My jaw use to click also. That went away. What the dental surgeon found in the x-rays were four wisdom teeth in the back growing forward, so his plan is to not put the last molar implants in the back. I’m cool with that.

Also my knee that use to respond well to cortisone injections decided it didn’t want to cooperate any more. The orthopedic surgeon is slow as hell as is the MRI staff. At least they gave me anti-inflammatory and more of them pain meds I’m growing fond of. According to them I’m not taking enough. I’m suppose to take them on a schedule, not as needed. But once a day in the evening is fine with me. Fuck them, I’m not going to be an addict. My employer is fine for now with my light duty schedule. We passed a State Inspection, what more do they want. I actually quit on Tuesday. Those retiree’s really know how to piss me the fuck off. They throw garbage all over the place! Why? Who the hell does that? Why would someone set garbage on the floor where there’s four trash carts inside the building and two huge dumpsters outside? What the Fuck is wrong with these asswipes? I don’t know, they sure know how to find that last nerve and keep grinding it. The corporate office said to take a few days off and come back Monday. They must like me there, I didn’t get wrote up. They scare me sometimes with that employee friendly attitude stuff. I’m not use to it.

But, here is the point of the post. I casually follow Deviant Art channels. A few I really like because I can learn their drawing techniques that apply to my way of thinking and my arthritic hand. Out of no where I found a lady who makes felt dolls. She had just opened a Deviant Art Channel and I liked her drawings. Then she posted the doll. I had to have one. I hope I didn’t creep her out, but I wanted one really bad. I told her to name her price. She’s Canadian so I tried to be on my best behavior. I didn’t want to come across as the typical media enhanced American Idiot Fox News is so great at promoting. I even opened a PayPal account just so she’d feel safer about my intentions. I wanted one so bad I would have paid what ever she asked. So here it is…

 

fuzzydoll

 

The Fuzzy Doll by Koma13. It’s simplistic but says a lot. I want more, like a collection. I’ll pay her what ever she wants. I just thought they were the coolest things I’d seen in a long time. It was cool enough, I was afraid I’d scare her just asking to buy one. But there’s also a connection to the appearance of this piece of work. It kind of looks like me when I was an 18 year old kid back in 1980. At least the hair looks the same.

Me_1

 

I’m the one on the right. Karen’s there to pretty up the picture. I was grunge before it was a thing, and Disco really did suck!

 

 

 

my friend is gone

I don’t make friends easy. I might say hello, and at the most, maybe some useless back and forth conversation. But there won’t be anything telling anyone I want anything more from them. If they start getting too nosy, maybe asking about what I do, what I like, something personal about me the subject will get changed. I don’t like attention being drawn towards me and I’m really not interested in knowing you. Saying goodbye after work isn’t common. Telling you happy birthday will never happen. I really have no interest in other people’s lives.

I took a job six years ago at a retirement home. It was suppose to be temporary until I found something I’m experienced in. After a while it seemed like I was thrown into this building to take care of everything, including the people. It took almost two years before I realized this community was dumped off on me. I’m not a people person. I’m more of a “leave me the fck alone so I can do what I was hired to do” person. I kept waiting until I noticed I was one of them. I made friends and they were interested in me and my well being. We laugh and have fun together except I keep my wall up. They will only know me at work. They’ve stuck up for me, they have my back. There’s nothing more I can ask for after finding that out.

One morning when I came into work I found an envelope on my door. Inside was a card. I didn’t open it right away because I saw it as a personal invasion. It’s like when they give me Christmas cards after I tell them I don’t celebrate that holiday. I check to see if there’s anything of value in it then pitch it. When I finally opened it, several days had passed. This was from Melanie. She was thanking me and that’s all she wanted. I thought this was the greatest thing in the world. No one has ever just said thanks to me for anything. If they did I’m sure I was ignoring them like I always do. Then I found myself doing what ever she wanted done. She didn’t ask for much and I didn’t mind doing things for her. I even found myself sitting in the lobby talking to her. Just me and her until we were invaded by the loud angry heard of bitter lonesome retirees with not much to do.

The card on my door

melanie-1

 

Inside the card reads:

Mike, Just wanted you to know that I truly appreciate everything you do for us. I thank you so much.  Melanie (304)

Melanie-2

 

I’ve kept this card on my desk. If anyone asked I’d let them read it. A few years had gone by and Mel was getting older and was having health issues. This is normal. But not once did I ever hear her say how bad she felt. She seemed tired and lost some weight but she always laughed at the dumb stuff I’d say to her. I noticed she had trouble walking so I kept an eye on her. Elderly people are hard to pick up. They either feel like jell-o with a bone in it or they’re so fragile you’d think they would break at the slightest touch. Last Friday I watched as she left for a doctors appointment. I went home for the week end just minutes after that. Monday when I came in I noticed a lot of trash in the dumpsters and some items in the bulk pick-up area. People dump their shit on our property a lot but this was more than normal. As people were waking up someone broke the news that Mel had a stroke and died that Saturday. Her family was cleaning out her apartment. I showed her daughter the card I always kept. She was heart broken. Mel’s family finished removing the belongings and dropped the keys off in the lock box.

This was for me

Melanie-3

 

 

 

#102 Sun & Moon Face

I’m still trying to do sketch’s for the next box. Seems like I have to learn how to actually draw to do what I want. What’s good about using graphite pencils is mistakes can be erased, and I’m doing a lot of that. Also, I found knead erasers. These can be molded to any size and make good high lighters. They also don’t leave eraser dookie behind. I messed with the Sun a little bit, mostly the mouth. The moon was supposed to be identical but different. The same tone was difficult to achieve, too. The Moon’s eyes are larger. I like this after seeing PannaKosciotrupina’s art work. Next, the craters need some attention. It looks like a bad skin condition. I’ll probably spend more time sketching out objects then I’ll spend doing the entire box, but I might get good at it. I like working with graphite pencils. I’ll spend some time following tutorials if there’s any that aren’t so full of themselves. Most are giving out advice on everything like how great they are and how much everyone else sucks because they’re not in thousands of dollars of debt from paying for some shit schooling they’ll never make enough to pay back.  So here’s my beginners work.

(Sorry I keep saying I or I’ll so much, I’m not a professional)

 

sun-moon face