the knee story pt 4

Boredom is the worst part. The smallest thing is entertaining. I look forward to doctors visits just to talk to someone but those will end now. Without insurance I can’t get physical therapy or office visits. I just paid $110 for pain meds. I did get hold of my employer to get access to my company account for my personal information and check stubs. We had automatic deposit and I never saw a physical check the entire time I worked there. I wasn’t even sure how much I was being paid. It was more than I thought and with them paying 3/4 of my insurance and matching 401k, I had no reason to complain. I stay in touch with the District Manager. She said to let her know when I’m ready and she’ll hire me back at another position. I’ve never worked for such an employee friendly company in my life. There’s not even bad co-workers there. I never understood why people quit working for the company. Even if I don’t get hired back, I have nothing bad to say about them. They’ve gone out of their way with me the last two years and I feel like I owe them for that.

Back to the boredom part. I had a follow up visit with the surgeon on Monday. He took some x-rays and removed some fluid. The fluid was causing the most pain, it was never ending. Sleeping was impossible and it felt like there was so much weight to my leg. The last two days I’ve been feeling pretty good. I was surprised to get another refill of pain meds and I was afraid to ask but I guess this was serious enough surgery to get more. But the last two days I’ve been going out and moving around a lot. The walk to the mailbox is still difficult but I force it. I go up the steps right leg first just to work it. All this makes me feel better while I’m doing it but resting is when the pay back starts. I never know I’ve over done it, until I’ve over done it. So I’ll take my meds and get the ice packs out. Then I sit here. Bored. I have drawing supplies right beside me but no ideas. No motivation. I stare a lot, though. Think bad thoughts. Negative things. Stare some more. Boredom drove me to start typing this. There’s no point I have. Nothing needs to be told. I’m just bored and sore. So here’s the x-ray of my new $25,000 knee.

 

newkneesideview-rs

 

 

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#103 – the center part

After drawing the beginning of what I’m working on, I had to come up with a center. I never know how to finish the centers even though they’re where I start. I didn’t want to jump in and mess up what I’ve done so far, so I’ve drawn out a few sketches. I wanted a sun like I was working on for the box. But faces are hard enough to do with pencil where I can erase and shade, but ink dots? I know this would take more work. This is the third one I came up with and I think it’s what would look good. There’s more going on towards the center of the drawing but this is the main focal point. I like this idea except now it has to be twice the size. I have a lot of time so there’s no rushing it.

 

#103_aCenter

 

6″x 4″  – ink on paper

 

 

#103 – starting simple?

I’m finally able to sit up like a normal humanoid. I kept thinking I’d get back to a box I was working on then thought, fuck it. I haven’t done anything for a while so lets start out simple and basic. I dig out my box of stuff and start looking at what’s already been done and do it again. I start with my simple mapping out the paper and let it sit. What I do is walk away and come back. Each time adding something to it. My simple basic idea after a few days kind of got out of hand and I haven’t added my ideas yet.

 

#103_pencil

 

 

 

#100

 

#100

 

Cheap Trick – Surrender

 

elementalfractal.deviantart

 

Mother told me, yes, she told me I’d meet girls like you.
She also told me, “stay away, you’ll never know what you’ll catch.”
Just the other day I heard a soldier falling off some Indonesian junk that’s going round.
Mommy’s alright, daddy’s alright, they just seem a little weird.
Surrender, surrender, but don’t give yourself away.
Father says, “your mother’s right, she’s really up on things.”
“before we married, mommy served in the wacs in the Philippines.”
Now, I had heard the wacs recruited old maids for the war.
But mommy isn’t one of those, I’ve known her all these years.
Mommy’s alright, daddy’s alright, they just seem a little weird.
Surrender, surrender, but don’t give yourself away.
Whatever happened to all this season’s losers of the year?
Every time I got to thinking, where’d they disappear?
When I woke up, mom and dad are rolling on the couch.
Rolling numbers, rock and rolling, got my kiss records out.
Mommy’s alright, daddy’s alright, they just seem a little weird.
Surrender, surrender, but don’t give yourself away.

still working on it – #98

I’m just trying to get into the motion and thoughts. There’s just lines then more lines. I only work on it before I go to bed. It’s kind of a new born meaning to it. This is practice for now. I’ll do a little more but not much. I’m almost borderline fucking it up.

98_new

 

I’m recording it for another video. It takes longer when I have my phone cam directly in front of my face. The recording, being so close to my face, picks up my breathing and lip chewing. It sounds like an ape eating pudding with a fork.

 

 

thinking

I was sketching out some ideas. Afterwards I decided to try and combine several of them. I referred back to a couple of old drawings and put everything together as one. Then it’s sat here for five days. I’ll stop by and stare at it daring to add or subtract, daring to start putting ink over the outlines. This got me to thinking, this is how I think about everything. Everything has to be planned and organized ahead of time. Nothing can be added or taken away without carefully thinking it out. Nothing can be thrown at me after this process and if there is, I stop. At work if there’s a meeting, which I hate, it’s rare that I attend. If I’m given too much notice I over think it and it becomes a huge problem. The thought of doing something out of my normal life flow just flips me out. Last minute changes to plans have the same affect. But anyway, this is my new project #96.

 

#96_a

 

 

the clock

I got started on the clock last week. I Googled photos of clocks to try for accuracy or just to see if I knew what I was doing. Then I started coming across the mechanisms inside pocket watches and the gears inside. Then my idea turned to adding a gear to the drawing. I’ve never drawn a gear so I had to look up how to. Fuck that, there was too much math involved so I improvised and drew them off the mandala technique. Then I also noticed inside the mechanical gears were layers of them, so adding one gear turned into five. But then my skull was looking too small. This was redone and the lower jaw was added to fill in more space. I was erasing so much plus getting lost in the over lapping gear lay out that I had to use a fine line to keep track of everything. So here’s the beginning of the idea, I’m sure it will change.

 

IMG_20180703_110458229-RS-93

 

 

this new thing again

Back in high school my mom noticed I could draw. I think to keep me out of trouble she bought me a really nice artists set up. When I see the prices of this stuff now, I know it had to have been pretty expensive back then. I was smoking, drinking and just getting in trouble mostly from the boredom of a backwoods town. There was an easel, a large oil base paint selection, a couple of knives, and several stretched canvass’. Back then I had a really good imagination, unlike now. It was probably all the weed I use to smoke. I’m thinking this set up was a Christmas present, my mom’s last Christmas present to me. We were off school for break then too. This gave me time to paint. The first one I painted was a cobra like snake. One of my first watercolor paintings on here was a recreation of that seen HERE. My next was a clock. I worked on this a long time trying to make wood grain in the paint and making the glass lens having a reflective shine. Back then it was like I never had to think things out, they just happened. I’m not sure why I chose a swinging pendulum or I might have changed it from something else. It was the best part of the clock. For no reason the next day I scraped off the paint and put a skull on the end. The time I had painted was 10:35. I kept this painting wrapped up and hidden. This was the time my mom died just a few months later. Life went on and through out the years this painting was misplaced.  A lot of my old artwork was thrown out never knowing I would ever do it again. It had no worth to me, it was junk I had been hauling around for years. But that painting was always kept guarded and safe. At least I thought it was.

So now I’m doing a new one. I take too long to do things on paper now. Probably because I over think everything. The clock I had started a few months ago, seen HERE. It got put on hold for some reason. I finished the clock face finally but it didn’t look finished. After staring at it for three weeks I thought I would somehow recreate my original clock from 1979.

#92b

The problem is I started in the center of the page. This gives me no room for a pendulum. I don’t want to start a new one because I was really unaware how much detail there was even in a simple clock face. Dividing up a circle in 60 even pieces took a little math and some thought. My idea was to put two skulls side by side facing away from each other as a base for the clock. But after a while I figured out I sucked at drawing a quick skull. Two days later and some Youtube classes I came out with my first facing straight ahead which wasn’t what I was after. I had no idea this was as difficult as a clock face either. I fixed it up with my pencils that I’ll be using a lot more of and here’s my first skull in 39 years. (I think)

 

 

#91 – may 2018

 

I’ve been off work for four months. After my back surgery they gave me meds, sent me home and told me people will be stopping by on these days of the week to see how I’m doing. That was a great idea in theory but I lost all track of time, days, dates, etc.

Here’s how May felt to me. This even took the entire month to do, sitting up at my drawing table was too much and had to do everything in short time frames.

 

#91

 

The days overlapped, there was no time on the clock. When I was awake it was like being under water looking up. I could see things but it was all a blur. I’m looking at my computer time and date. It’s 4:11 on Wednesday May 30th, 2018. This threw me off from my doctor visit yesterday. He said to come back in six weeks. At the check out desk the lady was asking me if a certain time or day in July was o.k. and I couldn’t answer. I didn’t know. My answer was what ever she wrote down is when I’ll be there. So today, all day, I thought it was Tuesday June 1st and It was around 11:00 am.