#100

 

#100

 

Cheap Trick – Surrender

 

elementalfractal.deviantart

 

Mother told me, yes, she told me I’d meet girls like you.
She also told me, “stay away, you’ll never know what you’ll catch.”
Just the other day I heard a soldier falling off some Indonesian junk that’s going round.
Mommy’s alright, daddy’s alright, they just seem a little weird.
Surrender, surrender, but don’t give yourself away.
Father says, “your mother’s right, she’s really up on things.”
“before we married, mommy served in the wacs in the Philippines.”
Now, I had heard the wacs recruited old maids for the war.
But mommy isn’t one of those, I’ve known her all these years.
Mommy’s alright, daddy’s alright, they just seem a little weird.
Surrender, surrender, but don’t give yourself away.
Whatever happened to all this season’s losers of the year?
Every time I got to thinking, where’d they disappear?
When I woke up, mom and dad are rolling on the couch.
Rolling numbers, rock and rolling, got my kiss records out.
Mommy’s alright, daddy’s alright, they just seem a little weird.
Surrender, surrender, but don’t give yourself away.
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still working on it – #98

I’m just trying to get into the motion and thoughts. There’s just lines then more lines. I only work on it before I go to bed. It’s kind of a new born meaning to it. This is practice for now. I’ll do a little more but not much. I’m almost borderline fucking it up.

98_new

 

I’m recording it for another video. It takes longer when I have my phone cam directly in front of my face. The recording, being so close to my face, picks up my breathing and lip chewing. It sounds like an ape eating pudding with a fork.

 

 

thinking

I was sketching out some ideas. Afterwards I decided to try and combine several of them. I referred back to a couple of old drawings and put everything together as one. Then it’s sat here for five days. I’ll stop by and stare at it daring to add or subtract, daring to start putting ink over the outlines. This got me to thinking, this is how I think about everything. Everything has to be planned and organized ahead of time. Nothing can be added or taken away without carefully thinking it out. Nothing can be thrown at me after this process and if there is, I stop. At work if there’s a meeting, which I hate, it’s rare that I attend. If I’m given too much notice I over think it and it becomes a huge problem. The thought of doing something out of my normal life flow just flips me out. Last minute changes to plans have the same affect. But anyway, this is my new project #96.

 

#96_a

 

 

the clock

I got started on the clock last week. I Googled photos of clocks to try for accuracy or just to see if I knew what I was doing. Then I started coming across the mechanisms inside pocket watches and the gears inside. Then my idea turned to adding a gear to the drawing. I’ve never drawn a gear so I had to look up how to. Fuck that, there was too much math involved so I improvised and drew them off the mandala technique. Then I also noticed inside the mechanical gears were layers of them, so adding one gear turned into five. But then my skull was looking too small. This was redone and the lower jaw was added to fill in more space. I was erasing so much plus getting lost in the over lapping gear lay out that I had to use a fine line to keep track of everything. So here’s the beginning of the idea, I’m sure it will change.

 

IMG_20180703_110458229-RS-93

 

 

this new thing again

Back in high school my mom noticed I could draw. I think to keep me out of trouble she bought me a really nice artists set up. When I see the prices of this stuff now, I know it had to have been pretty expensive back then. I was smoking, drinking and just getting in trouble mostly from the boredom of a backwoods town. There was an easel, a large oil base paint selection, a couple of knives, and several stretched canvass’. Back then I had a really good imagination, unlike now. It was probably all the weed I use to smoke. I’m thinking this set up was a Christmas present, my mom’s last Christmas present to me. We were off school for break then too. This gave me time to paint. The first one I painted was a cobra like snake. One of my first watercolor paintings on here was a recreation of that seen HERE. My next was a clock. I worked on this a long time trying to make wood grain in the paint and making the glass lens having a reflective shine. Back then it was like I never had to think things out, they just happened. I’m not sure why I chose a swinging pendulum or I might have changed it from something else. It was the best part of the clock. For no reason the next day I scraped off the paint and put a skull on the end. The time I had painted was 10:35. I kept this painting wrapped up and hidden. This was the time my mom died just a few months later. Life went on and through out the years this painting was misplaced.  A lot of my old artwork was thrown out never knowing I would ever do it again. It had no worth to me, it was junk I had been hauling around for years. But that painting was always kept guarded and safe. At least I thought it was.

So now I’m doing a new one. I take too long to do things on paper now. Probably because I over think everything. The clock I had started a few months ago, seen HERE. It got put on hold for some reason. I finished the clock face finally but it didn’t look finished. After staring at it for three weeks I thought I would somehow recreate my original clock from 1979.

#92b

The problem is I started in the center of the page. This gives me no room for a pendulum. I don’t want to start a new one because I was really unaware how much detail there was even in a simple clock face. Dividing up a circle in 60 even pieces took a little math and some thought. My idea was to put two skulls side by side facing away from each other as a base for the clock. But after a while I figured out I sucked at drawing a quick skull. Two days later and some Youtube classes I came out with my first facing straight ahead which wasn’t what I was after. I had no idea this was as difficult as a clock face either. I fixed it up with my pencils that I’ll be using a lot more of and here’s my first skull in 39 years. (I think)

 

 

#91 – may 2018

 

I’ve been off work for four months. After my back surgery they gave me meds, sent me home and told me people will be stopping by on these days of the week to see how I’m doing. That was a great idea in theory but I lost all track of time, days, dates, etc.

Here’s how May felt to me. This even took the entire month to do, sitting up at my drawing table was too much and had to do everything in short time frames.

 

#91

 

The days overlapped, there was no time on the clock. When I was awake it was like being under water looking up. I could see things but it was all a blur. I’m looking at my computer time and date. It’s 4:11 on Wednesday May 30th, 2018. This threw me off from my doctor visit yesterday. He said to come back in six weeks. At the check out desk the lady was asking me if a certain time or day in July was o.k. and I couldn’t answer. I didn’t know. My answer was what ever she wrote down is when I’ll be there. So today, all day, I thought it was Tuesday June 1st and It was around 11:00 am.

 

 

new thing

They changed my appointment date for the third time and told me to stop taking pain meds because they thin my blood. But it’s o.k. to keep taking Gabapentin which makes me a blathering pissy idiot. I even got pissy with my brother who is the only person I even talk to. Sorry Brutha, it’s not me! You know I’m not like this. My FMLA runs out soon and I’m really surprised I’m still getting full pay from my job. They’ve been really cool about everything so far. I must be a good employee. Either that or I’m the only one who’ll put up with a bunch of old angry people’s shit every day.

 

4-44

 

The last couple of days I’ve been able to sit longer than usual. I have all this time on my hands and staring at my ceiling and sleeping has gotten old. When I get an idea to draw something it’s like I have to do it. Who would have thought a simple clock face was going to be a difficult process. This took me almost three days. This will be my next project but seeing how I can’t think like I use to it might take a while to finish.

 

 

#90 for a while

After almost 9 months of agonizing pain a neurosurgeon finally found the problem. A third MRI on my spine with something shot into my blood so the veins and arteries show up found a cyst inside my spinal column in between the T5/6 vertebrae crushing my spinal cord from the size of a quarter down to the size of a pea.  I was tired of the doctors saying there wasn’t anything wrong and here I was barely able to walk more than 50 feet before my legs collapsed. I was getting scared when I started falling with no warning. But I really have to thank a Physical Therapist that filled in for the other. I told him no one was listening to me, they’re all looking at my lower back and I kept telling them its the center. He laid me out on this table and put his finger between every disc in my spine starting from my neck. As soon as he hit that T5 spot I yelled that’s it, and I kept telling him to push it over because it felt like a kink in my back. He’s the one that set me up for the last MRI. I didn’t catch his name to tell him thanks, he was just filling in. Thursday I met with the surgeon. He has to do surgery, the risks are high and either way I won’t be the same afterwards. But after 9 months of non stop pain I don’t care just make it not hurt any more. I spend most of my time laying in bed. Sitting and standing is nearly impossible for any length of time. I’m relieved they finally found the problem but the risk factors of working so close to my spinal cord could have devastating outcome. I don’t have Facebook so I thought I’d bitch and complain on here. So this is a final drawing. It’s a Cyborg. The last of my quick drawings before I put my life in the hands of another person. Hopefully I’ll be back. If not I’ll see you on the other side !!!

 

#90_DA2