the clock

I got started on the clock last week. I Googled photos of clocks to try for accuracy or just to see if I knew what I was doing. Then I started coming across the mechanisms inside pocket watches and the gears inside. Then my idea turned to adding a gear to the drawing. I’ve never drawn a gear so I had to look up how to. Fuck that, there was too much math involved so I improvised and drew them off the mandala technique. Then I also noticed inside the mechanical gears were layers of them, so adding one gear turned into five. But then my skull was looking too small. This was redone and the lower jaw was added to fill in more space. I was erasing so much plus getting lost in the over lapping gear lay out that I had to use a fine line to keep track of everything. So here’s the beginning of the idea, I’m sure it will change.

 

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this new thing again

Back in high school my mom noticed I could draw. I think to keep me out of trouble she bought me a really nice artists set up. When I see the prices of this stuff now, I know it had to have been pretty expensive back then. I was smoking, drinking and just getting in trouble mostly from the boredom of a backwoods town. There was an easel, a large oil base paint selection, a couple of knives, and several stretched canvass’. Back then I had a really good imagination, unlike now. It was probably all the weed I use to smoke. I’m thinking this set up was a Christmas present, my mom’s last Christmas present to me. We were off school for break then too. This gave me time to paint. The first one I painted was a cobra like snake. One of my first watercolor paintings on here was a recreation of that seen HERE. My next was a clock. I worked on this a long time trying to make wood grain in the paint and making the glass lens having a reflective shine. Back then it was like I never had to think things out, they just happened. I’m not sure why I chose a swinging pendulum or I might have changed it from something else. It was the best part of the clock. For no reason the next day I scraped off the paint and put a skull on the end. The time I had painted was 10:35. I kept this painting wrapped up and hidden. This was the time my mom died just a few months later. Life went on and through out the years this painting was misplaced.  A lot of my old artwork was thrown out never knowing I would ever do it again. It had no worth to me, it was junk I had been hauling around for years. But that painting was always kept guarded and safe. At least I thought it was.

So now I’m doing a new one. I take too long to do things on paper now. Probably because I over think everything. The clock I had started a few months ago, seen HERE. It got put on hold for some reason. I finished the clock face finally but it didn’t look finished. After staring at it for three weeks I thought I would somehow recreate my original clock from 1979.

#92b

The problem is I started in the center of the page. This gives me no room for a pendulum. I don’t want to start a new one because I was really unaware how much detail there was even in a simple clock face. Dividing up a circle in 60 even pieces took a little math and some thought. My idea was to put two skulls side by side facing away from each other as a base for the clock. But after a while I figured out I sucked at drawing a quick skull. Two days later and some Youtube classes I came out with my first facing straight ahead which wasn’t what I was after. I had no idea this was as difficult as a clock face either. I fixed it up with my pencils that I’ll be using a lot more of and here’s my first skull in 39 years. (I think)

 

 

#91 – may 2018

 

I’ve been off work for four months. After my back surgery they gave me meds, sent me home and told me people will be stopping by on these days of the week to see how I’m doing. That was a great idea in theory but I lost all track of time, days, dates, etc.

Here’s how May felt to me. This even took the entire month to do, sitting up at my drawing table was too much and had to do everything in short time frames.

 

#91

 

The days overlapped, there was no time on the clock. When I was awake it was like being under water looking up. I could see things but it was all a blur. I’m looking at my computer time and date. It’s 4:11 on Wednesday May 30th, 2018. This threw me off from my doctor visit yesterday. He said to come back in six weeks. At the check out desk the lady was asking me if a certain time or day in July was o.k. and I couldn’t answer. I didn’t know. My answer was what ever she wrote down is when I’ll be there. So today, all day, I thought it was Tuesday June 1st and It was around 11:00 am.

 

 

**GRAPHIC**

A picture of my scar if you don’t want to see it click out.

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Second warning. This is a picture of my scar from back surgery.

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Final warning to click out of here or you’ll see it

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scar

 

I warned you. This is the scar from my back surgery. There is a medical term for what they did and I think they just make words up in the hospital. All of my prescriptions are words I’ve never heard of too. I thought it was just a 2″ incision. This is the first time I’ve seen it. My physical therapist took the picture. That’s her hand at the top just to give it some comparison. The thing is 6″ long. There’s just some small scabs left and a one of the stiches sticking out of the top that will probably just fall out. It’s healing pretty good on the outside but hurts like hell on the inside.

 

 

I’ll miss my room

I’ll miss my room at the rehabilitation hospital. Or no, I’m miss the entire place. I was spoiled the entire time. I’ve never been taken care of my entire life like I was here. The attention and respect the staff gave me was outstanding. I had to ask them not to disturb me as much. They said o.k. but continued and I never brought it up again. A lot of times in the evening no one came in to check on me but I could see them going in and out of the rooms around me. After a while I finally told the nurse that I feel like I’ve been forgotten. She told me I’m one of the few that never pushes the callimage button. I never wanted to bother them, they looked too busy. The only time I asked for anything was when they brought my meals in. They always said they’d let the nurse know. I never knew who was and wasn’t a nurse. When the nurse did come in with the med cart and to check my vitals she always asked my pain level from 1 to 10. I always said 9 and the meds weren’t helping. A few days later she comes in and said if I need pain meds just ask. So I did. Dilaudid did absolutely nothing, after several tries even with the IV, they tried a combination. This caused me to have a seizure. I was completely aware of what was going on but had no control over anything. My right hand started flinching and it felt like cold air blowing on it, when I look down at my hand I lost control of my neck. It was like my neck folded and cut off my breathing. That’s when a lot of people came running in the room. One lady was holding my head up as they laid me back in the bed. When I finally got control I couldn’t speak no matter how hard I tried my mouth wouldn’t let words come out. That was scary. After that my meds were given to me in intervals but I still could ask for pain meds anytime I wanted them. Now they were Oxycontin tablets which kind of scared me. I don’t want to be a pill addict except I’m not craving them as a buzz, I need them when I can’t hold out any longer.

The other thing I liked was the food. The place had their own cooks and I wasn’t on any special diet. I had a big menu to order anything I wanted, and I did. They fed me well and nothing I had was bad. I ate everything I ordered.

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One other thing was my bed. When I went to my three hours a day physical therapy (which is a whole other story) I’d come back to all new sheets and pillow cases, the bathroom was clean and trash taken out. I was suppose to stay until May 22 but they came in on May 15 and told me I was leaving on the 17th. I didn’t want to leave, I had another week but they felt I was o.k. to go home. My last day I got up, took a bath and dressed myself. The ride home kept changing times. First it was 11am, then it was 4pm, then 6:30pm. They finally show up at 7:30pm and they wheeled me into a transportation bus and strapped me in. I was kind of afraid to go home on my own but every morning I wake up something new is going on inside me. Sometimes it’s good and other time, like today, it’s horrible. One thing I’m learning is the nervous system is a strange thing, the other thing I’m finding out is nerves repairing themselves is the most agonizing pain I’ve ever endured. I’m working on a drawing I came up with while I was here. Sitting up for any length of time is a little painful but I’ll get it done.

One week

Over a week after back surgery and I feel better. I’m in a rehab facility learning to walk again. I had to relearn a lot actually. My feet won’t do what my mind is telling them to. A wheelchair is my friend for now. Physical therapy is helping and I’m getting my appetite back. I didn’t eat for almost ten days, now I can’t get enough food. But I’m still alive and have a sketch book with me.  See you soon…

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new thing

They changed my appointment date for the third time and told me to stop taking pain meds because they thin my blood. But it’s o.k. to keep taking Gabapentin which makes me a blathering pissy idiot. I even got pissy with my brother who is the only person I even talk to. Sorry Brutha, it’s not me! You know I’m not like this. My FMLA runs out soon and I’m really surprised I’m still getting full pay from my job. They’ve been really cool about everything so far. I must be a good employee. Either that or I’m the only one who’ll put up with a bunch of old angry people’s shit every day.

 

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The last couple of days I’ve been able to sit longer than usual. I have all this time on my hands and staring at my ceiling and sleeping has gotten old. When I get an idea to draw something it’s like I have to do it. Who would have thought a simple clock face was going to be a difficult process. This took me almost three days. This will be my next project but seeing how I can’t think like I use to it might take a while to finish.

 

 

the city

I use to live in the city. It was above a pretty popular restaurant which made living there a pain in the ass. If I left during the day I would have to park pretty far away until they closed then go get my car and move it back where I could see it. For once I really didn’t like the other people that lived up there. The one kept getting into my mail box until I threatened him. I’m pretty laid back but I will get in peoples faces if they piss me off. The other neighbor I called him Joe Dirt. That’s exactly who he looked like, the hair and everything. He was straight from the ’80’s. The owner evicted the mailbox guy then changed the locks at the entrance. He tried to get back in and Joe Dirt went to talk to him. Joe, being a little slow, forgot he left hamburgers grilling on his oven caught his kitchen on fire which set off the buildings fire alarms. The fire department shows up at this historic landmark thanks to these two clowns. This was in the summer, so it’s around 90 degrees out and we had to evacuate the building. I was pissed because I just got home from work and I was working a few beers. Don’t interrupt my fucking beers, god dammit! The other guy was evicted for not paying his rent. I mean it was only $400 a month, WTF. So he destroyed everything in his unit. Then it was just me up there. I think the owner liked it that way, I was responsible and kept and eye on his building. But I didn’t want to be his after hours security. I didn’t want to be responsible for anything that happened to that building. It was a popular restaurant, even the local news personalities ate there in the late morning. I really liked the apartment. It was kept up for as old as it was. New cabinets, new hardwood and ceramic tile floors. The one thing I didn’t like was I felt like I was always on stage there. I had to go past all the customers in the parking lot to get to the second floor stairs. And it was two flights of metal stairs, those things made some noise too. Once inside I felt safe. I liked my place, I liked the view of downtown and Broad Street. In the very back is where I kept my computer and tech stuff. I didn’t even have a living room because this is where I spent all my time. The window and balcony to my left was a nice view at night. The streets calmed, the lights dimmed and the city went quiet. This is where I forgot everything and went into another world.

OFFICE

 

I finally get my surgery next week. I’m probably typing this because I’m wigged out on Oxycodone and Gabapetin and I’m not even aware I’m doing this. But anything is better than the excruciating pain I’m normally in. Just one more week…

 

 

#90 for a while

After almost 9 months of agonizing pain a neurosurgeon finally found the problem. A third MRI on my spine with something shot into my blood so the veins and arteries show up found a cyst inside my spinal column in between the T5/6 vertebrae crushing my spinal cord from the size of a quarter down to the size of a pea.  I was tired of the doctors saying there wasn’t anything wrong and here I was barely able to walk more than 50 feet before my legs collapsed. I was getting scared when I started falling with no warning. But I really have to thank a Physical Therapist that filled in for the other. I told him no one was listening to me, they’re all looking at my lower back and I kept telling them its the center. He laid me out on this table and put his finger between every disc in my spine starting from my neck. As soon as he hit that T5 spot I yelled that’s it, and I kept telling him to push it over because it felt like a kink in my back. He’s the one that set me up for the last MRI. I didn’t catch his name to tell him thanks, he was just filling in. Thursday I met with the surgeon. He has to do surgery, the risks are high and either way I won’t be the same afterwards. But after 9 months of non stop pain I don’t care just make it not hurt any more. I spend most of my time laying in bed. Sitting and standing is nearly impossible for any length of time. I’m relieved they finally found the problem but the risk factors of working so close to my spinal cord could have devastating outcome. I don’t have Facebook so I thought I’d bitch and complain on here. So this is a final drawing. It’s a Cyborg. The last of my quick drawings before I put my life in the hands of another person. Hopefully I’ll be back. If not I’ll see you on the other side !!!

 

#90_DA2