one day


This was  the day before I stopped working. It’s around February 14, 2018. My back hurt so bad and nothing was getting rid of the excruciating pain I’d endured for over 5 years. I remember standing at the elevator at work. Leaning against the wall, I told someone how much pain I was in. In minutes I was surrounded by a crowd but couldn’t tell who was who. A bottle of medication was put in my hand and the words, “this will help you” stuck in my memory. The medication was put in my pocket and I went to the unused office on the third floor. I had to escape from everyone for a while. I didn’t want to talk, I didn’t want to be consoled, I didn’t want sympathy. I just wanted to not be in pain. The office door closed behind me. The room was hot, everyone I work with wants heat. That’s all I feel all day is heat and hot. I hate the heat, that’s why I left Florida. I opened the windows and let the cool February air in. It wasn’t freezing cold but the wind was blowing pretty good. I could hear tree branches snapping in the woods. Then I pulled the bottle of pills out someone gave me. It said “take as needed” so I kept reading. The letters Oxycodone appeared and I thought now way. I’m not going to be an addict but the pain said otherwise. In the mini-frig was a half a bottle of water. Against my best judgment I washed down my first ever non-prescribed narcotic then laid flat on the floor to relieve the pressure from my back. I could hear people in the hallway going about their lives and I could feel the effects of the medication. I relaxed as I laid on the floor. I could hear the wind blowing through the trees. I don’t know how much time went by but my pain was bearable. I sat in a chair and stared out the window. This is what I saw, the trees blowing in the wind. I sat there for what seemed like an hour but in actuality it was minutes. I sat there and recorded the last moments of how my life was then. My final words were sent to my manager, “I have to leave now”, not knowing when, if ever, I was coming back.