I’m just trying to get into the motion and thoughts. There’s just lines then more lines. I only work on it before I go to bed. It’s kind of a new born meaning to it. This is practice for now. I’ll do a little more but not much. I’m almost borderline fucking it up.
I’m recording it for another video. It takes longer when I have my phone cam directly in front of my face. The recording, being so close to my face, picks up my breathing and lip chewing. It sounds like an ape eating pudding with a fork.
I got started on the clock last week. I Googled photos of clocks to try for accuracy or just to see if I knew what I was doing. Then I started coming across the mechanisms inside pocket watches and the gears inside. Then my idea turned to adding a gear to the drawing. I’ve never drawn a gear so I had to look up how to. Fuck that, there was too much math involved so I improvised and drew them off the mandala technique. Then I also noticed inside the mechanical gears were layers of them, so adding one gear turned into five. But then my skull was looking too small. This was redone and the lower jaw was added to fill in more space. I was erasing so much plus getting lost in the over lapping gear lay out that I had to use a fine line to keep track of everything. So here’s the beginning of the idea, I’m sure it will change.
this is the clock I was working on but decided it was too centered to add the skull as a pendulum. I’m going to start over and probably do it all in pencil.
I’ve been off work for four months. After my back surgery they gave me meds, sent me home and told me people will be stopping by on these days of the week to see how I’m doing. That was a great idea in theory but I lost all track of time, days, dates, etc.
Here’s how May felt to me. This even took the entire month to do, sitting up at my drawing table was too much and had to do everything in short time frames.
The days overlapped, there was no time on the clock. When I was awake it was like being under water looking up. I could see things but it was all a blur. I’m looking at my computer time and date. It’s 4:11 on Wednesday May 30th, 2018. This threw me off from my doctor visit yesterday. He said to come back in six weeks. At the check out desk the lady was asking me if a certain time or day in July was o.k. and I couldn’t answer. I didn’t know. My answer was what ever she wrote down is when I’ll be there. So today, all day, I thought it was Tuesday June 1st and It was around 11:00 am.
After almost 9 months of agonizing pain a neurosurgeon finally found the problem. A third MRI on my spine with something shot into my blood so the veins and arteries show up found a cyst inside my spinal column in between the T5/6 vertebrae crushing my spinal cord from the size of a quarter down to the size of a pea. I was tired of the doctors saying there wasn’t anything wrong and here I was barely able to walk more than 50 feet before my legs collapsed. I was getting scared when I started falling with no warning. But I really have to thank a Physical Therapist that filled in for the other. I told him no one was listening to me, they’re all looking at my lower back and I kept telling them its the center. He laid me out on this table and put his finger between every disc in my spine starting from my neck. As soon as he hit that T5 spot I yelled that’s it, and I kept telling him to push it over because it felt like a kink in my back. He’s the one that set me up for the last MRI. I didn’t catch his name to tell him thanks, he was just filling in. Thursday I met with the surgeon. He has to do surgery, the risks are high and either way I won’t be the same afterwards. But after 9 months of non stop pain I don’t care just make it not hurt any more. I spend most of my time laying in bed. Sitting and standing is nearly impossible for any length of time. I’m relieved they finally found the problem but the risk factors of working so close to my spinal cord could have devastating outcome. I don’t have Facebook so I thought I’d bitch and complain on here. So this is a final drawing. It’s a Cyborg. The last of my quick drawings before I put my life in the hands of another person. Hopefully I’ll be back. If not I’ll see you on the other side !!!
I have plenty of time to think while I spend most of my time laying on my back. I’ve studied every inch of my stippled ceiling. Sometimes I’ll sit up and think I’m o.k. and start walking just to find out the human body loves to play tricks on you. But then I’m already in the hall. My options are go back, go to the bathroom, come in here or go down the steps. There’s food down there. My schedule is as follows: go to the bathroom and do “stuff” and take the sorry ass pain meds they think help, then ooze down the steps one at a time bringing food back up to this room where I think some more. By now my back and legs feels like I been ran over and thrown into a fire. I’ll eat, looking out the window and think some more. That medicine is really good at clouding up my thoughts but I want to draw something. Anything. I thought simple things but not the alphabet this time, there’s an idea, though. I sat here and cut four pages into four sections. Small and simple.